The Poppies' Blog

Ok, this title seemed a bit better than my previous thought… ‘Men; a Pause’.  But why am I writing about this? Well, it could be suggested that since I’ve been a bit slow on the blogging front of late that I just couldn’t think of anything better to write about. That could be true, except I would probably sooner write a post about my favourite biscuits or my toenails than to claim some sort of superior understanding of men!


The old phrase, ‘you can’t live with them, you can’t live without them’ holds some truth. I mean, life would cease to exist without them and sometimes well, they are just plain handy to have around. One never knows when one will need the door opened (once he notices the need), or when you want something painted or assembled (he’ll do this just as soon as…). So, what does a woman do with her husband the other 364 days a year? That is where I come in. No, no, NO! Do NOT package your husbands up and post them to me to keep until that day comes. I have a handy list!

1. Teach them how to take care of the children.
Yes, I said teach them. Well, maybe your husband instinctively knows which end to put the nappy on and which end to put food into, but ladies, there are no guarantees. Men taking care of children is a bit ironic, really, considering most men never grow up are just barely out of their own childhood. I am fortunate in that the Mr. doesn’t act like my first born, but taking care of Little Poppet wasn’t as natural as falling asleep in front of the TV you may think.

You see, Motherhood is not just a 'sisterhood' of Mums, it is something that instinctively you become as soon as you hear your baby’s first cries and you immediately feel the urge to slap the doctor that just slapped your baby’s bottom! Fatherhood isn’t as much of an instinct and needs to be carefully plotted, planned and ‘strategised’. It can be achieved successfully given the proper tools.

I suggest the Official Daddy in Training Tee shirt. It just makes it feel more official and something that can be achieved if you have the T-shirt.


Daddies are wonderful though, they provide a home and clothing and food for us, they just don’t necessarily know how to buy it or how to put any of it on! Never fear, this can be changed. You can teach them. I make no guarantees promise.


2. Don’t expect any help from your MIL.
Nope, not any. You see, your man is still was her little boy last she lived with him and well, he was perfect. This is okay, though, because his  Mum is was perfect too. This will give you lots of things to talk about such as recipes of yours versus hers, terry nappies versus disposables, the way you fold clothes compared to the way she did. Even if  your MIL is  like a Mum to you, don’t be fooled. 

I have to wonder if the Mr.’s Mum ever taught him anything what to do with the clothes you have worn and need to have washed. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind doing the washing, I do consider that part of my 'To Do' list. I just have to wonder what he’d do if a work colleague submitting a report put each page in a different place on the floor all throughout the office. I considered buying the Mr. a GPS system for the house since I could only guess the reason he left a trail of dirty clothes was so he could find his way back.

Instead I thought I’d just put his clean washing randomly all over the place. I was sure the point would be made. The problem with that was that I started to lose track of what was clean and what wasn’t so I just made myself some extra work and gave him another way to compare me to his mum.

Having said this, I adore my MIL. She is a lovely, Christian woman. Okay, she’s a bit of a hypochondriac but not too bad, now that she knows it was just hot flashes and not Global Warming that was affecting her in the 1990s. Overall, she is a wonderful woman and I am not trying to marry her off just so she has less time available for us. No, that’s just silly talk.

3. You Catch More Flies With Honey Than With Vinegar.
Well, it had so be said. Though the closest thing to perfume I’ve worn the past three years is air freshener, nothing gets your man’s attention like a shower getting out of ‘the Mummy’ clothes and into ‘the woman he married’s’ clothes. Of course, this can be a bit difficult, especially after having the baby weight and maybe a spare tyre become the mum, but its worth a go! It is amazing how much more agreeable the Mr. is with a little sweet talk!
One example of this is our recent experience with Gumtree. It is the UK equivalent of Kijiji. A friend in the US recommended this to me so I had a look. We bought a few things for such amazing prices, the Mr. was initially very thrilled with my finds.

So I tried to find some good items in the freebies section.  Well, it would appear that there are a lot of fools clever clogs out there just having a laugh, as this ‘Time Machine’ on offer since the current owner just doesn’t ‘have the time for it anymore’ (pun very much intended) clearly illustrates.

Undeterred, I carried on looking and submitting my request for anything I thought could be useful in our area. The Mr. only had to go on wild goose chases and collect anything offered to us in the evenings after dinner. I should add here that he has a much better sense of direction and distance than I do so perhaps a couple of times I asked for things that were too far to go collect.

It was frustrating to him, going on these journeys for tat items being given away. One night I saw someone was giving away old spice bottles. As an artist I thought how it could be something very nice. And old, well, antiques are usually very old so I had great plans for these bottles. So, I sent an email saying I’d be interested in them. A day or so later I was thrilled to find out that I had ‘won’ the bottles! Wow! I very sweetly asked my husband if I could have these old bottles. He just didn’t understand what I was doing wasting his time on such things. So, I showed him a photo of a friend from a forum’s creation she used old bottles for. I convinced him they could be worth it. I was ecstatic!
It was three days before he had the time to go and he thought he’d go by bike so he could enjoy the bike ride. Well, I gave him about 5 minutes half an hour before I started harassing phoning to see if he’d found it ok.

Oh yes, he said he’d found it and he was so glad he’d decided to let me have these. He went on about how they were gorgeous and he was sure they must be antique. I was so thrilled! I said I could do something wonderful with them and they could go prominently on the shelf I have in our front room. There is a space I’ve been leaving open for something very special. He agreed, these were that special item. I was so glad and felt so affirmed in my quest.

When he came in he was happy and jovial and so nice.  I was so eager to see my new bottles that I was going to make into something beautiful. He took the first one out and the look on my face went from joyful anticipation to a quizzical confused look. The first one was literally an old bottle from some Italian seasonings. The kind you buy from Sainsbury’s. I thought the next one would be the brilliant one but it was just an old basil jar and the last one was also an old basil jar. These weren’t antique spice jars, they were rubbish. Recycling. And the Mr. had got his back on me for sending him all over with the hope of getting something wonderful for free.

So, whilst you can get your husband to go to the ends of the earth for you with a little smile and shine, I caution you to be sure there is a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow and not just someone’s recycling bin. 

As well, men need to know they are needed and appreciated far more than just as much as we mums do.  So, it is good to keep in mind, his To Do list shouldn’t be longer than the Sunday paper…

4. Help Him Understand. Use Visual Descriptions. Think Like His Boss ‘Team Leader’…
Recently, (every) last Tuesday I think, I asked the Mr. for some ibuprofen. My back hurt from all the lifting and playing and things I do for Little Poppet. Even holding her to read a book or when she is sitting on me ‘dancing’ with her favourite four men involves the straining of little known muscles in deep parts of my back that until becoming a mum, I had no idea existed. So, you’d think a wife could just ask her husband to get her some ibuprofen. Of course not! I am met with the standard ‘you think your back hurts?’ Of course, men’s work (cycling) is so similar to taking care of a toddler. I informed the Mr. that in fact, it isn’t that similar unless he is carrying a 6k bag of potatoes whilst pulling cellotape from his hair and actually he’s not so much carrying the potatoes in a handy bag, no they are being thrown at him and he has to catch them without dropping them whilst the hair is being pulled. All this needs to be done whilst repeatedly bending down, then standing up etc etc. Well, I finally got my ibuprofen and he also learned a life lesson.
5. Do It Yourself.
I would never say that there is a definitive line defining what is man’s work and what is women’s work. I think that there is work and depending upon your talents and availability and well, circumstances that is what determines who should do what. If, however, there is something you really need your husband to do because you simply can not do it (I probably should consider cooking in this category for us but alas, I don’t) and he doesn’t seem to be putting the same urgency on it that you do, I recommend starting the task anyway. If you either find that you could do it after all (win) or that it became unbearable for him to watch so he did it (win) than you just can not go wrong! In fact, I have found that there are a few things I can do that I didn’t know I could and the Mr. has come around to my way of thinking on a couple of items (meaning, he decided that it needed to be done sooner than later).

The hoover springs to mind when I mention this. I have a wonderful Dyson hoover that I use pretty much everywhere. It is the best hoover for allergens and such so I consider it my pride and joy ha ha! We also have a little Kenwood pull along hoover that I use in the kitchen for the odd clean up. Well, it wasn’t working very well for awhile. I thought it needed to be fixed. Well, the Mr. was having to bring a lot of work home this particular week and just wasn’t up for fixing the hoover. He thought I could just as easily use the Dyson. Well, of course, he was right but I decided I liked my little set up and decided to fix it myself. I thought I could just take it apart and see if something wasn’t attached properly and just put it back together and make it work. I am actually not completely horrible at this sort of thing so why not!

I took the entire thing apart. The hose that attaches to the case came undone and it seemed to actually cause a lot of dust to get inside the engine. My little project was a huge mess that ended up needing his help.  Well, he came to my aid and started to put things back together, hoovering the engine out with the Dyson, and after all was said and done, he opened the case to reveal a very full bag with a child’s spoon clogging the bit where the hose attaches. So, um, I only needed to replace the bag and well, stop hoovering up cutlery.

Well, ultimately it wasn’t too huge of a project but we both learned something that day. I give him time when he needs to do his work and he reminds me to change the hoover bag.
(In my defence, the Dyson has a clear bag-less system so I don’t need to change bags and I am able to tell when it is full).


6. Put Your Kids to Work on Him.
If all else fails, enlist the assistance of your children. No, I don’t mean put them to work doing the things
you’ve asked hubby to do. Have them hand daddy his To Do list every five seconds or ask him to get a toy off the shelf where his To Do list is prominently hanging. Dress them in clothing that resembles a specific task at the top of his list.  Does Daddy need to strap on his tool belt and repair the garden fence? Well, dress your little one in Bob the Builder ware. Is he supposed to drop off a parcel at the post office? Then give your child a mini pillar box to put toys in.

Now, this list may imply that I think men are only good for helping around the house, running errands or building stuff. Well, of course they aren’t just for that. They can open jars shut too tightly and they are very good at security, too.  Our TV will never go missing. The Mr. keeps such a close eye on that!

So, in light of my list what does the Bible say about husbands and fathers? A lot, frankly, so I’ve limited my list to just a few of my favourites. I hope you will find them as meaningful as I do.

Proverbs 12:4
A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

If you’ve ever had a toothache, this will mean more to you. I don’t fancy having that affect on my husband.

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Men, this is why it is okay to go to the shops for sweets even if you had something you wanted to do.

Colossians 3:19
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

And this is why when asked to get said sweets it is not okay to tell off your wife.

1 Timothy 3:11
In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.

This is why wives must never discuss the sweets row with anyone,

1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

I think this is referring to opening jars that are shut too tightly. No? Then it must mean that the husbands prayers get ignored if he ignores his wife.  Okay, okay, it does mean prayers are hindered but wives remember not to take advantage of this… we are JOINT HEIRS with our husbands!

Proverbs 21:9
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
(Some translations say 'nagging' wife)

Not just the roof, but the corner of the roof. So, unless you fancy having to make your bed AND another bed on the corner of the roof each day, perhaps trying to make home life a peaceful place is recommended. In fact, perhaps I should apologise for asking the Mr. to get me those sweets!

Ecclesiastes 3:12
I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.

Ah, but see, doing good IS recommended…while you are alive…getting me sweets could maybe be considered doing good. No? Okay, I’ll drop the sweets idea.

Ecclesiastes 9:9
Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun— all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labour under the sun.

So, this scripture probably isn’t on any wedding greeting cards and Solomon did have many better days (Song of Solomon) with his wife but I want to always be the wife whom my husband loves, all the days of this life. And just because life can become toilsome and laborious I aim to make our days together as pleasing as I can. I know my husband works hard and he knows I do. I try not to overload his tasks at home and he tries to keep giving me tasks so I don’t feel unneeded! Lol

Truthfully, I have a wonderful husband and want to be as wonderful of a wife. No, I don’t make it easy on him at times and he isn’t perfect either. But we do know that God brought us together and we want to honour God in our marriage and our home. It is hard work, even with this handy list. Praise God we don’t have to go it alone. God is always there to lend a hand!