Today is Little Poppet's third birthday. It has caught me off guard, really. I joke about how three of MY years haven't passed (but then my years have been slowing down the closer I get to a certain number) but it isn't just my vanity. It is that these past three years have been so amazing I can't believe she's been here THREE years! I have written Little Poppet a letter for her birthday, but it is personal to her. Today, on my blog, I've written a letter to someone else, but I'm letting you, those reading about Little Poppet's Third Birthday read it, as well.
Three years ago my husband and I went to hospital to have things checked out. Little Poppet wasn't expected for nearly six weeks but things felt funny that morning. As it happens, it was my little one deciding that she had waited long enough and wanted to see us face to face!
And what a gorgeous face hers turned out to be. For one thing, she was a she and we had been certain she was going to be a he. 'A son we shall have', we both had declared on several occasions. As usual, Little Poppet made her own way and her own decisions.
We were so thrilled to have this littlest of angels gracing our lives. My husband's usually strong manner became the gentlest and most helpless. Suddenly this man that could take care of anything didn't even know if he was holding her correctly or if he'd somehow hurt her if he held her too tightly. Mummy on the other hand, held her tightly and has never let her go. Neither Mummy nor Daddy ever will.
The day following her birth the paediatricians and nurses came round to examine her prior to what we hoped would be our going home. Instead they looked at our most gorgeous creation with serious and displeased looks on their faces. Expressions inappropriate for the miracle of God they were gazing upon.
They spoke in hushed voices and when asked they didn't want to disclose their conversation to us. They suggested we wait until the 'head paediatrician' arrived to give us any news. I persisted until they told me. 'Your baby isn't perfect' and off they scurried to cancel any of the baby photographs which were offered to every other parent in the ward.
I'm here to tell you, we didn't listen to them. The printout with one or two paragraphs of information for us they gave and the offer to take her to put into care if we felt we didn't want to burden ourselves with this life, they deemed unfit were both equally refused. As were the offers to give her bottles rather than my time wasted on expressing for her or breastfeeding her. I did breastfeed her and am so thankful that I did.
They took far too much blood from her to 'prove' to us their suspicions and this broke my heart. As did the many midwives' offered condolences. Neither destroyed it though. My heart was in pieces but the same Hands that gave it it's beat as many years earlier when I was being formed the first time, was there to put those pieces back together a second time.
I'm here to tell you, my heart has never been the same because He didn't put it together the same way. No, this time He made it softer and filled it much more fully. He stretched it so that it was larger than ever before and gave it more room for all the love that would fill it each and every day since. My Little Poppet's birth was no accident or mistake or something worthy of frowns or condolence. She is something to be rejoiced over. The angels in the Heavens would be bowing to her, I'm certain, if I could see them.
She has never been anything imperfect, it was me that was. Since God gave her to me I've only become closer to being like Him, because she is so like Him. I have shared more joy and love and life since she came into my life and for that I'm so thankful. The praises on my lips are never ceasing and this new heart He's given me is ever growing.
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26
I've never regretted any day of her life and am thankful that at the very least my response to the midwives and nurses was one of joy over this lovely baby I had and that I love her just as much as I did before they accused her of being imperfect. After these three years I have only one thing I wish I'd said to them. I wish I'd told them that the God I serve is the same today as He was when the world was made by His hands. I wish I'd told them that this same God was in the secret places with my baby as He was with all the ones they didn't deem unfit or unworthy. I wish I'd told them that I trust my God with not only my life, but hers and that she IS perfect. She is and always has been perfect.
Perfectly wonderful, perfectly charming, perfectly happy, perfectly clever, perfectly huggable and perfectly kissable. Perfectly made. Perfectly ours.
She has far exceeded any expectations of what I thought motherhood was going to be. I've learned more about my Father in Heaven for this tiny, little life. She is after all, part of the hem of Heaven, after all. And for this I praise Him.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139.13-16
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1.5
You may wonder to whom this letter was written. Whilst it was written to share with anyone willing to take the time to read it, it will be sent by post to the hospital ward where Little Poppet was born. My hope is for parents to be given this letter if they find themselves in a situation where someone is talking hushedly over their precious new born gift. But it is also in the hopes that the people that would be doing the talking in those whispered tones would not be looking saddened or sorry, but rather give them a reason to be just as happy when any child is born. Life is precious and a miracle. Never are there two lives completely alike. My hope is that those in the position to tell someone that their child is unique will do it with a gentle smile and offer their congratulations, and not their sorrow.
Happy Third Birthday,
Little Poppet! You Are Perfect!
